POV: szeth
Summary
Sixteen years before the contest, on the morning he is to leave his city on the Honorbearer pilgrimage — first to Sivi and then through the other surviving bearers in turn — young Szeth kneels in the monastery's rock garden and prays before a brilliant stone with a crystal vein running through its mouthlike opening. He puts his hand on it, and for a moment feels memories that are not his own: the stone *carried,* with frightened people around it. Then the Voice answers him gently — *don't think I've been ignoring you. You've merely been in good hands. Complete your pilgrimage. Then we will meet.* It tells him his life has purpose because his meaning is part of its meaning, and warns that the next stretch will be the hardest: he will be among those who do not revere it as Pozen does. When he asks if it will walk with him, it gives no reply.
His sister Elid breaks the silence. Forbidden inside the monastery, she has come anyway, pretending to consider joining; she now trains weapons with the Shin shamans on the riverbanks and wears a small side sword as a public commitment to Truth. She comes to tell him that Father plans to walk with him on the pilgrimage, as he has done before, and that Szeth must talk him out of it: Neturo has built a life as mayor of the city, and a months-long absence will mean the end of him and Sivi.
Szeth, to her surprise, does not condemn the relationship. He has deduced it. Their mother left them; he believes — because his father told him so — that she is happier without their father. Elid is furious. She has spent the years since their mother's leaving holding the man together, and Szeth never noticed. As he tries to leave the garden she lashes him with the worst question: *why are you his favourite?* He has no answer. *I hate you,* she calls after him. *I'm sorry,* he whispers, *for not knowing a better way,* and walks out with only a change of clothing and his sword.
He reaches the bridge out of the city in a light rain. Neturo is waiting for him there — pack slung over his shoulder, beard streaked with grey, smiling as he never seems to stop. Tradition says the pilgrim walks alone; law does not forbid a father at his side. Szeth has spent the whole walk rehearsing the words and now speaks them: *please stay behind.* Father asks softly whether that is what Szeth truly wants, or only what he thinks he should want. He has a life in the city, Szeth tries. *I have a life wherever my family is.* And Elid is here too — and their mother, who left because of him. Father drops his umbrella and pulls him into the rain. *What happened between your mother and me was never your fault. We were struggling long before you found that stone.* He tells Szeth that Elid no longer wants him near her either, that he has run out of ways to reach her, and that space will do them both good. He cannot make himself stop being a father; if Szeth will not walk alone, then he will walk with him. Szeth, who feels he lost the capacity to smile years ago, whispers his thanks twice.